Life is our own story to make
October 18, 2014Seconde post ( eek)!
So todays post I am going to attack you with what I am passionate about ( other than photography and swinging and climbing on various things). so yeah , I’m passionate about life. Now this sounds super cheesy but bare with me. There are a lot of things going on in my personal life which I dont want to bore you with but it really makes me appreciate living in the now .
Flash back ten years ago and I was a completely different person to who I am today , no I haven’t changed or tried to be someone different, I have just found the right path for the person I am becoming ( I’m not there yet I am still finding myself) . So why have I changed so much?.. lets face it most People say ” oh high school are the best days of your life” or ” I wish I could go back to high school” well thats not the case in my world . I mean I loved my friends and doing crazy stuff but non of the fun had was actually in school, in fact i pretty much hated it. My school wasn’t a bad one , the teachers were not nasty , I just always felt I didn’t belong and it wasn’t till I was at university that i understood why. Now I was a good student , I was in nearly top set for everything , passed all my GCSEs and never really got into trouble.. sounds like there was no problem. wellll…. have you ever been in a situation where you keep getting told “your not listening” ,”your not going to do well” , ” you have potential but you just dont try” , ” read the question properly” etc or you reports all saying the same thing ” Sinead is a pleasant student , she needs to talk more in class and needs to stop daydreaming as she is easily distracted”. I had one teacher tell me that there is no chance I would get in to top set because I don’t try hard enough ( loved the teachers face when I got in =p) . so yes these are all valid statements to a student , however they were not true , If anything I tried harder than the others to understand the lessons , I was always to worried to question what I did not understand as everyone else seemed to and I didn’t want to be the dum ass in the class. so yeah I hated being in school because basically the teachers kept moaning at me for doing thins I was not doing , ” you dont listen” I was listening . “you didn’t read that ” i had read it just not fully understood it etc. This feeling I got is what kept me from starting my journey of becoming me , because any time I made a mistake or tried to do something i was called up on it . I stuck to trying to keep my head down , avoid eye contact with teachers and just be a ” pleasant, shy ” student.
^^^^^
No I was never shoved into a locker , I just thought I would see if I could fit
So finally I left school and this pressure of fitting in began to leave as I could do the things I enjoyed … actually it was college I found photography ( accidentally) , I Became seriously ill when I was 17 with pneumonia , due to this I was unable to attend classes and missed so much of psychology they had to drop me from the course so little old me had to find something else to do and a friend of mine suggested I try it .. Helllo future career! Photography helped me express myself and create beauty which was also a kind of therapy for me for dealing with life. (can you believe I’m waffling on again ? sorry guys!)
So skip forward a few years it was uni that helped give me the power to fully live my life , I finally found out why I hated school , why it filled me with such stress and anxiety and pushed me into an emotional prison that stopped me from growing and voicing who I was. I found out that I was severely dyslexic ( this is an evil spelling for dyslexic people btw!) yes dyslexic , now i know some of you out there think its an excuse … well let me tell you now its not! I went through all of the education system thinking there was something wrong with me and that I was stupid, I feel if someone would have noticed this in school I would not have had the hate and feelings towards it that I do now.
Dyslexia is an abnormality in brain patterns ( not an excuse) I use different parts of my brain to compared to a non dyslexic brain to do the same job . day dreaming is common ,not because we are lazy or not listening , but because dyslexic people process things visually , if you start telling me a story i will be playing that story out in my head ( see i have my own 3d cinema in there hehe) finding out I was dyslexic was a massive help towards living , I now know there is nothing wrong with me , in fact I’m proud of it , its through dyslexia I have my crazy creative brain. I even did a Photography project for my BA ( you can find the project under my conceptual work on the site)
Now that I know why I am the way I am I have no fear of showing it anymore , I care little if people think I’m stupid or dont like me ( as I said in my first post I am often misjudged) and now I am over that fear I can live. I always try new things and experiment and attack new people ( in a friendly way … not a psycho way) I am even being a zombie tomorrow morning just because .
So yes if you take my advise its to live ! ( not zombie live but actually live life as full as you can) you never know what the future holds and it would be good to have some awesome crazy stories of things you did in the past . Find out what it is thats holding you back , other than the rubbish stories you tell yourself , and just go for it ! when you see things and think ’ Oh my god I wish I could do that” just do it. I have so many people come up to me with the classes I teach ( trapeze, aerial hoop, pole etc) and say , “oh I would never be able to do that “, ” I wish I could do that ” , ” I haven’t got the figure for it”.. Well guys these are the lies you tell yourself to stop you from living .So stop the lies and reach for the sky ( again I throw in a cheesy line , I do apologise !)
Keep living people ( unless your pretending to be a zombie at the weekend, then play dead)